Antilag

Random rubbish from the motor sport world

Friday, November 4, 2016

Of Rally Sponsorship and fakes

It has come to our attention that lesser rally teams have stolen our idea of personal sponsorship of WRC cars. Such teams that have vastly higher budgets and spend money on Expresso coffee machines and nail manicures – while we at Alliance Motorsport, we put YOUR money to more important things that a rally car requires – like petrol and tyres. And if we are lucky, a bag of lollies to hand out to officials.

As such, we urge you to forgo spending money on other teams and to give it to us, the team that built a WRC2 car in a garage, fuelled by dreams, hot air and posting on Facebook when we needed to put a gearbox in at 2am in the morning. Our necessary fuel (Monster Energy Drink, pizza and infusions of tea direct into the biggest vein we could access) have only allowed us to go so far, while we will get to Coffs Harbour, we are alarmed that these urgent supplies are running low, let alone we are needing to mug beggars for spare change for tyres.

So how about it? Sponsor a genuine garage built WRC Bad Boys WRC2 Tank, help the team with no budget, no clue and no caffeine. And also unlike other teams, we’ll allow to not justput your name on our conveyance, but in a form you want – we’ll accept anything that will (hopefully) pass FIA scrutiny. Unfortunatly that means no DickButt but anything else? Your love of Anime? How I am the greatest Bird known to Humankind and I should be the Dictactor of the USA? Cats Rule, Dogs drool? Absolutly!

So for the measly sum of 20 bucks, get your name on a rallycar mister, be part of the Orginal WRC Bad Boys team. 100 bucks on the underside in case the car rolls at a spectactor point for maximum publicity.

And also fuel the team to the finish line because Lord Knows, if Cat Interceptor don’t get his tea while being the Overlord of the Service Park, blood is going to be spilt. Probably his own as he falls off his bike but you get the point, if we don’t get our caffeine, there will be carnage and hijinks and undies forgotten! There will be laminations of women and children, grown men shall bow their heads in horror and I, Greenie, shall rise up and strike down the unworthy who are scared of dust and night!

For I, Greenie, will make Rally Great again! I shall build a wall and it shall keep out hipsters and enviromentalists! It will be beautiful and huge! And I shall laugh and Group B will sound in the forests once aga…..

Wait, what was I supposed to talking about? Hmmm okay not evil plans ….. ah right Sponsor the WRC Bad Boys, the first and best put your name on the side of our car!

Greenie
Evil Overlord of the UnHoly Alliannce

posted by admin at 9:03 am  

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Why suck at one sport….

When you can suck at three?

 

Somewhere along the line, someone has gotten me into Triathlon. And now in a first of abject madness I’m entered in a 70.3, also known as Long course or half IronMan. I’m sure I entered it thinking something something Robert Downey Jnr and metal suits. Cause you know, he does have such niiiiice suits.

So…. why post about it here? Why not? Why not add some rather warped perspective to yet another sport? And this time I can write terrible humour about something I dont really know much about – at least with Rallying I know something about that subject and the drunken debachery that goes on. See Tri folk…. you think you know how to party but you dont. Rally folk drink enough alcohol to poision a Russian and they have a rather…. warped outlook on life. But I will admit that rally folk arent exactly as fit to say the least, you can be rather rotund and still rally successfully. In Triathlon, that’s more a set up for a heart attack than a trophy. And also in Triathlon the point of it isnt to give someone a heart attack like a driver does to a co-driver, plus inflicting damage to your equipment and scencery is painful.

And the other good thing? No one in Triathlon has any idea who Sebastian Loeb is, while Loeb could never actually ride a bike due to the size of his balls. Plus the whole drug testing thing… they would rapidly find out Loeb has no blood and is indeed either a robot or been turned inhuman in his deal with Satan. Fortuantly demonic spirits and robots are not Triathlon legal so HOORAY! no Loeb to spoil the fun! And as well with the USADA puttig Lance Armstrong int he sin bin for life, I dont feel the need to make jokes about fitting better on a bike all the time. Cause you know, sitting on your own testicles kinda is uncomfortable – that’s really one of the things they never tell you about cycling, the reverse tranny tuck to get your wedding tackle out of the way and not to find yourself 50 kms down the road realising you have cut off circulation down there and the rather alarming amount of pain it is when you rearrange things down there and blood returns. It’s liek someone took a branding iron and hit you in the crotch. Except no sizzling pubes. Which if you are a cyclist you probably shaved off so at least there’s no smell of burning crotch if you did entertain the thought of branding yourself.

Reminds me, I saw a video like that once….

Annnnyway, back onto the vague thing that passes as a point when I get going into a blur of keyboard dribble, the point of this was that someone who knows me suggested it would be a godo idea to write down a bunch of stuff in my journery to the 70.3. Possibly as a warning for others to not go there because HERE BE DRAGONS, keep watching You are a Loser and stay fat. Or if you have lost leave of anything approaching your senses, get inspired and get off the couch, turn the TV off, get running, cycling, splashing in a pool not drowning etc etc etc and just do it.

Serious part – yeah I get serious. See, the issue I think is too few people dont realise that fitness is a lifestyle. You have to make time, you have to set goals, you have to go into it knowing that if you are horribly unfit there are no quick fixes. It’s about like I did a few years ago, putting one foot in front of the other and then the next until you look back and realise where you have come from and where you have been. And to be honest, I’m not like Big Kev, I never have been. I have gotten fairly uncomfortably unhealthy and fat so lets say I know where some people are coming from. But let me tell you, it’s worth seeing your dcotor tell you your blood has returned to what should be normal, rather than what you could have been and were going to.

So you know, maybe people wont read this…. that’s fine. I’m used to talking to myself. But if you do happen to read and you feel you can do it too….. then remeber, it’s a lifestyle and the journey starts with a footstep in the right direction. Just remeber, once you start, just dont stop.

 

posted by admin at 11:14 pm  

Thursday, October 24, 2013

Where was I? Oh yeah, something about going to ride bikes……

Annnnnnd Good LORD have I ever!

 

(P.S. Lying Scum – UP YOURS! HAHAHAHAHAHA I’m not fat anymore – I rather fit! :D)

 

Actually I gotten a bit serious about them. More carbon fibre than a F1 grid now, from a Roubaix Comp to a Epic Marathon XC racer, it’s all looking very different now in the garage. Still got a WRX but the day to day is a V8 Commodore. And with that, I think I might change focus for a while and write about the local trails, which there are many of! I have the cycling weaponry to make for a good day out indded.

 

Rallying? Kaptain Ballistik does that, I’m out for a while. The bikes arent cheap you know…. and they do consume a lot of time. Well worth it tho. I even know some sekret trails now!

 

When the place aint burning down, I’m writing some trail reviews. There’s a lot of good MTB areas around here that I think would be neat to show off and rate. I’m thinking about rating three ways –

1) Beginner. Basically if the trail is easy for someone to get into. So for instance Springwood Cemetery / Golf Course has a few trails, the main fire trail is 4/5 for a beginner. Easy enough but still got a few areas that can catch you.

2) Climbing. Frankly I’m no downhiller but I firmly believe you have to EARN the downhill anyway. That means you climb. If you cant climb GTFO. So for this something like the notorious Anderson’s climb gets 8.5/10. What, you think that’s the best climb around here? Hardly! Bee’s Nest, now THAT’S more like it. Steep, twisty, large elevation change, 9.5/10. Bees Nest is  1/5 for a beginner, it’s a bitch.

3) Challenge / Fun. Very subjective, some I like you wont. A lot of people love Woodford to Glenbrook…. I’m okay with that one but Anderson’s is way more fun as well as a challenge. Combined I hope to do soon, I hear that’s a hell of a ride. Anderson’s by itself? 9/10 for sure.

So thence a trail gets three scores – Andersons rates highly. It’s a challenge, but it’s actually fairly accessible to a beginner and it’s got a great climb. And it’s fun.

 

Lets see how I go with this this!

 

 

posted by admin at 8:41 pm  

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Of car clubs and things

Hello blog, missed you :)

Yep, we aint ded yet as Nanny Ogg would be want to say. That’s a good thing. Work is busy, finally getting some sort of finances in order, the kitties and Miss Jess rock and I’m cycling heavily again. In many ways it’s going pretty all right this year. And Obama is back, which is also a very good thing. Seen the other jerk running for the job?

However one area that I find myself in the last few months restraining myself from punching the shit out of a wall in anger and frustration at the blatant stupidty is car clubs and CAMS. I would normally keep this under the lid and leave the E/N bullshit alone but there’s just too many times where I find I have problems restrainign my temper at it all, I think it would be better to simply put it out there once and then walk away.

The thing that is pissign me off big time is the idiots that seem to think car clubs are worth being jerks about. A car club is at it’s base simply a group of people who enjoy a common interest – in my case Subarus. It’s pretty simpe, right? You would think so but for some reason there’s been too mnay times I know of that people Take. It. Too. Seriously. then go through lengths to ruin the enjoyment others have of the club that really have utterly no place in anythign short of politics. Real politics I add….. with real parliments and real issues to fight over. Sure politics is a petty sport in itself but the issues are actually real and substantive in a large degree. What on EARTH is there in a car club that justifies the political games some play just to…. I dunno… settle a percieved personal slight?

(In this case what happened was perfectly justified. Trolling and delibertly inflaming other Is. Not. On. and frankly when you get called on it, be a real man and change your ways, rather than be a dickhead and screw over a bunch of people)

Let alone the legalities but….. I wont go there as what I’m saying next is actually the most important point and the one that is pissing me most off.

What is truly obnoxious is whiteanting and lying about people behind their back. Outright lies are just not on, not in a car club. Think about it – this is something we come together for to ENJOY, not to be liars, slanderers and being asshats to get other. Sure, I know my way does get peopel somewhat turned off, but I have the coruage of my convictions to be open and to call a spade a spade. In the end, a lot of people realsie I truly am nothing personal and you can have a drink with me and a good chat. Where I turn out usually to be respectful and put my views across with as much reason as I can. Lying and white anting is somethign I do not view favorably – the lies bit especially. Plus – car club. Strictly volunteer. It’s not a business, it’s a thing to share common interests. Volunteers are hard to get and the work they do is much more than most would realise. A bit of respect should be given and some leeway – most volunteers really do have the right intentions and do their best. Volunteers are the lifeblood of a car club and hacking away at the peopel who do the work is A BAD THING, wether you think of them personally, at least respect their work.

The point ofthis diatribe is that the actions of lies, petty politics and outright hostility burns out the volunteers and also ….. coem on peopel, it s a car club. It’s for ENJOYING cars. And believe me, that’s really what I want to do, I bleed WRC Blue and I really just want to get dirty with my Subarus. I love racing them, building them and even transforming my much loved WRX into eventually something as I really, truly think will do Natalie justice.

But the truth is right now all I can think of is throwing a chair at someone, because I REALLY dont like being lied about. I’ve had enough of this garbage and I’m genuinely at the point that if one more person just anything out of line, I’m going to do soemthign rash and dramabomb. Frankly all anyone had to do was just shut the hell up. That’s. All. But they havent left well alone and I’m at the end of what I will tolerate. And that’s quite a lot more than you might think.

I really just want to enjoy my cars. I just want to have fun with like minded enthusists. I did not sign up for this crap. I will NOT tolerate a single thing more that gets in the way of enjoying the cars I love so much. I’ve had it to the back teeth of car club politics.

I know a few of you have been though similar. It’s pathetic, I know. And it happens in any number of car clubs.

But in the end…. I’m out. It’s just a car club. It’sd not worth hurling chairs about. I am going to enjoy my cars and those that want to be petty liars and petty idiots, go fuck yourselves. I’m done with even talking to you because you just do not get it. You are the problem and you are the ones that destroy car clubs and motorsport.

I’m goign to ride my bikes for a bit because I always feel a load better. Sure I can be a asshat myself, but I like being able to look myself in the mirror. I also rather look forward to gettign Natalie back out there late next year because…… isnt that the whole point? Love the things that you love and be honest with yourself and others?

posted by admin at 2:47 pm  

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

FIA announces new media mogul

Paris, 14/02/2012

In a shock move, the FIA have announced that Alliance Motorsport, the long time thorn of truth and honesty in the the side of the drunken traveling orgy that is also known as the WRC has become the new official TV promoter for the worlds greatest motorsport.

“It’s not a surprise to me” Cat Terrist, CEO and Emperor for Life of Alliance Motorsport stated. “In fact it’s a surprise it took this long to admit we are by far the best aspirants to this glorious and substantial task. We have the best staff writers in the known galaxy and such a copious supply of mind altering cat nip – in fact all sorts of racing governing bodies were queueing up to give us their media rights. In fact I took a call some some fat bloke in Texas who has the rights to NASCAR which we of course politely turned down as we have in fact no fucking idea what NASCAR even is or even where the hell Texas is. Isn’t that some place in Mexico?”

Other Alliance Motorsport writers when asked for comment were similarily effusive about the major role they would now play in spreading the rallying gospel

“Dude, have you SEEN the groupies Petter Solberg has?” stated Florida staff writer Wrar, 30 of no fixed abode. “Look, all I have to do is flash my media pass and they will be all over me to get a chance to be closer and in their sexual frustration I’ll score! I feel so……. so…. about to be used!”

Kaptain Ballistik was not available for legible comment.

Still, there is some concerns in the WRC camp but they have all been put to rest with a lot of money and a few well placed hookers and cocaine.

We of Alliance Motorpsort look forward to once again bringing you news from the inside of all forms of motorsport that actually are motorsport, which I guess gives us a cast iron excuse to insult pretty much whom we feel like outside of WRC and rallying cause only rallying needs testicle restrictors. And if there is one thing the women like it’s big balls on the end of a suitably long gearstick.

posted by admin at 7:36 pm  

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

STILL not dead!

Yes, we’re not dead and in fact still kicking about. Maybe even stronger than before because jobs have sucked, money sucked, cars in bits and even the WRX engine detonated due to a faulty oil pickup. FFS Subaru, dont design something so retarded!

We’ll actually – maybe do some more mocking of WRC this year

posted by admin at 8:49 pm  

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Scandal at the WRC

In breaking news, Sebastian Loeb has been found out as having a secret life as a porn star. In a bombshell that has shaken Citroen – but in all fact pretty much everyone else knew – a keen eyed observer has spotted Loeb in a video on ****ingmachines.com – as the machine.

“It was a surprise to be sure and he does lok unfamiliar without hos human disguise on but no one can mistake his movements as they are so precise and his voice – ‘Ummmmmmmmm yes I think so ummmmmmmm yes do you ummmmm like it like ummmmm that’ – even without his fake french accent he’s unmissable” said Ima Wanka, 21 from his parents basement. “I was all like gettingoff and then I realised he was Sebastian Loeb so after cleaning my screen I phoned the News Of The World”

“It’s about time that bloody robot got outed” said Malcom Wilson, Principle of M-Sport and the Ford WRC team. “THere’s been rumours for years and this proves it. How the hell are we supposed to win against that? Let alone he keeps going for as long as his batteries keep going, no wonder you have fangirls lined up 20 deep”

Citroen team bosses expressed surprise.

“A Robot? No, he’s quite clearly human. We reject utterly the accusations of Loeb’s robot status altho the site in question…… ummm…. what was the question again?”

Porn stars have been willing to verify the identity of the robot with many female performers expressing their support and admiration for Loebot. Many comments that are pretty much unprintable but you get the idea.

The FIA will be meeting tmorrow to see the clip in question and Esmerela Jizzmop has been put on standby to clean up afterwards.

posted by admin at 7:37 pm  

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Cat Handling

It becomes quite easy to think about car handling if you look at cats. No seriously, hear me out and I’ll explain why the humble feline is in fact the perfect analogue for how a car is supposed to work

Maddie

[img]http://alliancemotorsport.org/gallery/d/108016-2/IMG_7510.JPG[/img]

Maddie, being a young mum bringing up a family of kittens is conservative and wants safety first for her runs for food. She is careful and wants to arrive so she understeers – she lacks front grip but thats okay that keeps her speed down. Her front paws wash out on tight corners so she reacts naturally and backs off, weight shifting to the front paws and hence more grip and tightening the line. Misses the apex but hey, she still took the corner. Rear paws dont do a lot of work

See MAZDA 6 – [url]http://www.google.com/images?um=1&hl=en&client=firefox-a&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&biw=1366&bih=601&tbs=isch:1&aq=f&aqi=g10&oq=&q=MAZDA%206[/url]

Rally Ed

[img]http://alliancemotorsport.org/gallery/d/107976-2/IMG_7490.JPG[/img]

Ed is light, fast, highly maneuverable and clearly has about as much oversteer as a Mk II Rothmans Escort

[url]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bLZquGJuQ5U[/url]

A lack of rear grip is his problem, not having big enough paws for the amount of power he wants to put down. The front has good initial bite and he handbrakes like a champion. Much like Ari Vatenen, the speeds he tries to carry does get him unstuck and frequent crashes occur. However he is very throttle sensitive and reacts well to sudden changes of direction.

Gelignite Jack

[img]http://alliancemotorsport.org/gallery/d/108057-1/180695_10150100549558551_736813550_6399904_5817918_n_001.jpg[/img]

A most curious puzzle I thought observing. He had a very different set of handling characteristics reminisent of Maddie, is a younger but quite a deal bit larger kitten than Ed, but suffers none of the understeer issues, as well as holding a far higher cornering speed and ability to accelerate. So as I was studying his handling while he was pulling max g in the kitchen that he reminded me of…

[url]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qDydS2ag4_s&feature=related[/url]

Even sounds like one too.

And in all sadness that’s how I worked out a handling issue on the WRX and came to the conclusion I had a blown strut. Since then I’ve also worked out that cat handling is indeed completely relevant to cars – and set up a mini skid pan in the kitchen to see how each cat reacts to a slippery surface. 1/3rd of a cup of water over the entraceway, a note pad and a few neat treats for cats to come running to. And indeed, Ed screams in at 10,000 rpm and slides out like a mad drifter, Maddie is relaxed and has a mild slide, while GJ keeps it flat and does a long AWD drift with the weight shift noticeable as he adjusts traction front to rear.

I’ve also been able to work out how to make the turn tighter so I can experiment with different setups, like if GJ has more castor.

Sadly no pictures as I really didnt expect this to work.

But then again this is Cat Handling by Stig

[img]http://alliancemotorsport.org/gallery/d/103230-1/IMG0055.JPG[/img]

Very Big, very heavy, takes a long time to wind up, cant stop in a hurry…..

[url]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=am-EcWXpaAY&feature=player_detailpage#t=316s[/url]

Annnnnd there you go. How I’m working out handling issues.

posted by admin at 8:56 pm  

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Authentic rally replica worth thousands

For Sale – Replica Ari Vatenen snot.

This is a no expense spared piece of snot has been lovenly crafted with the same air and dirt Ari Vatenen has himself breathed, mixed with the same consistency water vapour and mucus. When wiped, this authentuc replica snot will taste and smell so much like the real thing you will think the High Preist of Begark has blessed you with his own precious sneeze and will drip off your face with exactly the same speed. Preheated for the snot conissor, each piece of nose phlem will be a joy to keep and display to all your friends

There is a limit of 50 so be quick! Operators in Bangalore Sydney are now waiting for your call.

Remember – only Alliance Motorsport can produce such snot so accept no inferior replicas.

(since when the fuck has a replica rally car been worth 100,000?????)

posted by admin at 9:12 pm  

Thursday, August 12, 2010

SANITY DECLARED ACCEPTIBLE IN RULES, CAMS CONCERNED ABOUT NEW APPROACH

In a horrifying outbreak of common sense, new FIA dictactor for life Jean Todt has declared that co-drivers are to be acknowledged once again as existing and important and not just meat ballast.

“”The fact is that in my day we could say we was the co-driver for Ari Vatenen or Walter Rohl and every single girl with the big boobies in the service park would want to have all night sex with me – and to prove all I had to do was point at the smoking wreckage and there was our names. We were acknowledged as brave and insane and who wouldnt want to have mad sex with a man like that” he is quoted. “But look at how badly we have been sex starved for the last years – not even a desperate land whale with braces and pimples wanted to know us. And all because no one knew who we were! And I tell you, drivers know nothing of sex. They dont call them pace notes for nothing! How do you think I get to continue to tap the hotness of Michelle Yeoh?”

Co-Drivers cheered with their newly returned status.

“I have been watching Loeb get all the hot tall blondes and what do you think I got? I was lucky to have quiet time with Mrs Palmer and even then I had to bride her!” stated Daniel Elena “But now I have all I want and I can tell you I have been makign up for lost time Now excuse me I have a foursome with Denise Milani and her two sisters”

Not everyone was pleased with the changes

“How can we run motorsport if you expect us to use common sense?” stated a CAMS representive on condition of anonymity – well okay we have no idea who they were. “Next you be saying we should fix problems that are all our fault – next they’ll be telling us we have to be accountable! Hoorible things will happen if that happen. HORRIBLE THINGS!”

When questioned on what horrible things were, the CAMS representitive broke in a long diatribe that sounded like the average political press release and frankly everyone has had enough of that right now so we wont subject you to it.

Drivers are reported to be bemused with the amount of sex their formerly chase co-drivers are indulging in but are happy that sudden accidents that obsure the inside of windscreens no longer occur when promotion girls in tight lycra pass by. So too are service crews who had to clean up too many accidents caused by acute blue balls.

posted by admin at 6:39 pm  

Monday, August 9, 2010

One of these days….

I’ll do an event without something else exploding / breaking / catching fire

Damn it.

Least it was fun before the power steering hose broke.

posted by admin at 8:58 pm  

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Hello World, not dead yet

Yes, I’m still here. Been busy and shit with cars and crap.

And fitness.

And one of these days I’d like to write the funny for WRC but hell, right now it’s as boring as batshit. But I suppose some updates on the car wont go astray…

Which lead to….

Oooops

posted by admin at 7:24 pm  

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

And in a rather ironic twist….. Rally Australia

And in an ironic twist…… I will be bringing you all the juicy gossip, stage reports and news of the forthcoming Rally Australia.

Except it’s not a rally predicitions. It’s the real thing. No, I’m not kidding, I am really going to be doing rally media for a WRC round. You will actually hear me at the end of stages interviewing drivers.

Now you ask, how did this happen? Who went mad? Well….. to be honest itit’s another bit of fantastic irony. I picked an argument with a media guy about the lack of access to media passes to WRC by good amateurs when big titted bimbos seem to get them too easily. And the upshot is that after an energitic swap of views….. he offered a place on the media team. I’m not sure what to think of that…..

Anyway, I’m not expecting anything spectaclar. I’m expectign a lack of sleep, a lot of kms, a lot of slog but still…. it’s a WRC media pass. It’s something I’m interested on seeing the inside of, the rally media beast.

I’ll see what I can do about keeping this blog updated with some insights and notes from somethign very few people get to see and experience.

posted by admin at 8:20 pm  

Friday, July 24, 2009

Time to update the front page, right?

Yep, looks like we have some pics to use

posted by admin at 10:07 pm  

Thursday, May 14, 2009

FIA PRESS RELEASE – 2010 CONTROL TYRES

PRESS RELEASE

DATED 13/05/2009

FIA ANNOUNCES NEW CONTROL TYRE FOR WRC

In an move that is sure to bring in the hairdresser crowd, the FIA handed down a shock winner for the 2010 tyre supply contract.

“We are pleased to announce The Facility for Abnormal Renal Turbulence has been declared the new supplier of the World Arally Championship for 2010″ FIA head Gimp Max Mosley said. “We are most impressed with the technology of the Facility to produce the new FART GAS rally tyre. And could you just whip me just a big lower? Say…. Oooooh yesssss”

“Unlike other one make tyre suppliers, FART GAS will be supplied in various compounds – from SBD (Silent But Deadly), Cheek Vibrator, Whistle Window Rattler, depending on the event and the food we had the night before production” said head of technology CatFi Vee. “And best of all, spectators can savor all of these as the cars come past – we think it will be something that is missing from the sport, the ability to smell FART GAS has been lacking ever since they mandated washing and clean clothes at spectator points after the end of the Group B era”

While some drivers approved of the new choice, others are not so sure.

“How will… ummm… this affect my…. good looks and ummm…. range of aftershave… and ummmmm personal deoderant?” asked Sebastian Loeb, voted 5 times in a row best smelling man in Rallying. “I am rather ummmm concerned”

“You know, when you are out in the middle of the forest, hung over and tired, there is nothing like the sound of a car roaring past and the lingering smell of rotten eggs and cabbage. Yes, I think it is a good idea” said Marcus Gronholm.

Sales of FART GAS will begin late this year

posted by admin at 8:43 pm  

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Alliance Motorsport news updates

Hey g’day there!

Would you believe this is a serious update? Well occasionally it happens that we have some serious news so…….

Firstly, I am plotting a front page change. There’s a front page? Indeed, yes. And a badly out of date one. Mainly because the cars depicted on it are very much out of date. The 240SX of Chris is gettign a heart transplant, Peter’s RX2 is in the middle of an enormous rebuild and I’ve replaced the VR4 with a true monster – a 2004 STI.  And we have added Sarah and Jess to the team.

Second, I am goign to go through the content fairly closely. The photogallery – http://alliancemotorsport.org/gallery is getting some updates and new features. Why not visit and leave a comment? The Gallery is simply enormous with all sorts of content – the main motorsport gallery holds 10000 pictures and growing. Please note, this is our content and is copyrighted – just because it is on the web doesnt mean it’s public domain. We are very resonable about usage however – if we have taken a picture of your car or you…. hey, knock yourself out. And if you want a much bigger high quality picture, then just ask and give contact details. Your car or you, I dont see why you cant use it.

Motorsport publications – contact us as well for rights of use.

Personal use – contact us if f you would like a bigger image. Personal use for wallpapers or your own personal use – yep!

Commerical use – You must agree to a rights of use by the photographer. All rights are reserved and we will not be happy if we find our work wrongly attributed or used for commercial purposes without permission. Our lawyers (Sue Grabbit and Run) will be happy – I suspect you wont be.

Anyway, I think we are being resonable :)

Third, we are going to start to introduce a bit more of an update schedule and new features. We will also offer free access for use if you talk to us – and also video!

And fourth…… getting the hell back in the forest. Yes, we are not just rally fans – we compete and love the sport.

As an aside, it amuses me greatly that Google has us ranked No 1 for Alliance Motorsport! Yes, we are your top rated Alliance Motorsport of the world… not that I suspect that would be hard….. and I can add this has been our business name for now 15 years. Our name, our beer.

See you out there in a forest somewhere,

Marcus

posted by admin at 6:00 pm  

Thursday, November 20, 2008

So reading the site stats…..

I’m easily amused. So lets look at what people search on google and that leads them here to our piece of Internet Real Estate….

2 gnc total body cleanse

So two people searched for this and got us. I cant recalled talking about body cleansing before, except I suppose explosive bottom burping over a crest, filling the car with poo and obsuring the drivers vision….

site:www.alliancemotorsport.org antilag

Someone actually deliberatly searched for us? And found us? Wow. Hi there! I doubt we were worth the effort, but we feel honoured anyway. Please register and say hello :)

linda govenlock

That’s a weird one. Person from school. Must be from the School Reunion gallery.But okay, vaguely normal

how to do a liver gallbladder cleanse

Is that even physically possible???? What on EARTH are you thinking searching for that????

alliance dental insurance us

I can kinda grok this one. Alliance, US etc. Yeah okay. I bet THEY got a bit of a surprise tho!

alliancemotorsport

Well if you didn’t find us with that…..

public employment retirement system oregon

Ummmm…… okay, WTF? I can understand the search, but what the everliving fuck does that have to do with this site????? I think Google did it as a joke or something.

motorkana axe course

Odd one, but valid considering the motorkhanas, axe murdering and stuff regularly discussed.

alternative rheumatoid arthritis liver cleanse

Now wait a moment, I know this isnt possible.

car loan car finance motoring

?????????

draught guinness rubbish

That’s a bit harsh. Guinness isnt THAT bad

home remedies to cleanse the body by losing weight

I…… Okay now come on, this is just getting stupid.

snowman phallis

Who the fuck would be searching for this? Is there really an Internet fetish for snowman’s dicks? What next, snowman anal sex? Snowman Felching? Snowman fisting?????

So there you are, apparently we are a site that informs the Internet about weird fetishes and cleansing the body.

posted by admin at 9:09 pm  

Thursday, November 13, 2008

A beginners guide to the terms in a road book

RALLY CALLS EXPLAINED

This is a quick and dirty explaination for all you budding co-drivers out there. Now, while we could explain this to the driver, frankly drivers are a race besides themselves, either self deluded into thinking they are Ari Vatenen or without the intelligence to pick their knuckles off the ground when they walk. So safe to say that we can say basically anything we want abut drivers….. they wont be able to read this and if they do find out, it will be because their co-driver read it out in big slow fashion, spelling out the more difficult words.

Right – The hand that wipes your bum

Left – The hand you pick your nose with.

Some drivers do get this wrong. You have been warned.

Bear left – Bear picking its nose

Bear right – Bear scratching its bum.

Turn at T – Stomach trouble, a common co-driver ailment

Crossroads – the reason why wives and girlfriend should never co-driver

Hump – The reason why wives and girlfriend should co-drive

Jump – Kangaroos

Crest – Fashion statement

Caution – Slow down

Double Caution – Slow the f*** down!

Triple Caution – SLOW DOWN YOU F*** IDIOT I DONT WANT TO DIE OH MUMMY PLEASE I DONT WANT TO BE HURT

Parachute – What you will need if you miss this call

Mineshaft – What seriously…? THAT’S the rally road????

Fence – A guy who hangs around dodgy pawn shops and tries to sell you a VCR that fell off the back of a truck

Gate – A horse with a limp

Gutter – Where Paris Hilton will die

Ruts – Japanese shed

Start Control – Prozac

Finish Control – Four blondes and a sauna

Flying Finish – Four VERY drunk and hot hostesses and a sauna

Terratrip – What the co-driver has

Quiet zone – Intercom failure

FMR – Fragile Mental Retardation

SO – Source of Orgasm (see Flying Finish)

Rough – Last night’s dinner

Creek – No such thing in Australia

Ford – (insert obvious joke here)

FIV – Nice men who will scoop the co-driver out of the seat after either the massive rollover or after he’s vomited up his own lower intestine

A to A Timing – Incubation of purified C57BL/6 murine CD4(+) T lymphocytes with anti-CD3 mAb serves as a model of TCR-mediated activation and results in increased IFN-gamma production and cell surface expression of CD25 and CD69. We demonstrate here that signaling through the TCR causes a rapid (4-h) 5-fold increase in A(2A) adenosine receptor (AR) mRNA, which is correlated with a significant increase in the efficacy of A(2A)AR-mediated cAMP accumulation in these cells. A(2A)AR activation reduces TCR-mediated production of IFN-gamma by 98% with a potency order of 4-{3-[6-amino-9-(5-ethylcarbamoyl-3,4-dihydroxytetrahydrofuran-2-yl)-9H-purin-2-yl]prop-2-ynyl}cyclohexanecarboxylic acid methyl ester (ATL146e; EC(50) = 0.19 +/- 0.03 nM) > 4-{3-[6-amino-9-(5-cyclopropyl-carbamoyl-3,4-dihydroxytetrahydrofuran-2-yl)-9H-purin-2-yl]prop-2-ynyl}piperidine-1-carboxylic acid methyl ester (ATL313; 0.43 +/- 0.06 nM) > 5′-N-ethylcarboxamidoadenosine (3.5 +/- 0.77 nM) > 2-[4-(2-carboxyethyl)phenethylamino]-5′-N-ethylcarboxamidoadenosine (CGS21680; 7.2 +/- 1.4 nM) >> N(6)-cyclohexyladenosine (110 +/- 33 nM) > 2-chloro-N(6)-(3-iodobenzyl)-5′-N-methylcarboxamide (390 +/- 160 nM), similar to the potency order to compete for radioligand binding to the recombinant murine A(2A)AR but not the A(3)AR. The selective A(2A)AR antagonist, 4-(2-[7-amino-2-[2-furyl][1,2,4]triazolo[2,3-a][1,3,5]triazin-5-yl-amino]ethyl)phenol (ZM241385), inhibits the effect of ATL146e with a pA(2) of 0.34 nM and also inhibits the effects of N(6)-cyclohexyl-adenosine and 2-chloro-N(6)-(3-iodobenzyl)-5′-N-methylcarboxamide. In CD4(+) T cells derived from A(2A)AR(-/-) and A(2A)AR(+/-) mice, the IFN-gamma release response to ATL146e is reduced by 100 and 50%, respectively, indicative of a gene dose effect. The response of T cells to the phosphodiesterase inhibitor, 4-(3′-cyclopentyloxy-4′-methoxyphenyl)-2-pyrrolidone (rolipram), is not affected by A(2A)AR deletion. We conclude that the rapid induction of the A(2A)AR mRNA in T cells provides a mechanism for limiting T cell activation and secondary macrophage activation in inflamed tissues.

Tarmac rally drivers – Poofs

Gravel Rally drivers – Genetic throwbacks

Wife – Something that we dont see at all when the race season is on

Girlfriend – Windscreen cleaner

Boyfriend – Someone who’s gonna die if I get left out in the cold one more f****** time!

Alliance Motorsport – a bunch of idiots who have over the last two years have posted lots of dribble that have alternatively angered and amused in unequal measure. sitemap
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posted by admin at 7:19 pm  

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Rally of Ireland and Guinness

While Alliance Motorsport is receiving the latest news from the newest even on the WRC calendar (and one we are looking forward to a great deal), we thought we might bring you some facts about Ireland before our proper predictions tomorrow night (if your unlucky)

More specifically, it’s best known export, Guinness

Now, despite the fact Stig the slayer of birds and eater of vast amounts of cat food has no love of this beer (He precisely calls it mud with nitrogen blasted into it), others are known to partake a spot of Guinness or two, usually with a knife and fork. Well known as the only beer you can chew on, it has a legion of fans all around the world and many here on this forum.

(I will admit this has been lifted from Wikipedia, the best source of cheat notes in history, however inaccurate they truly are)

Now while people think of Guinness as an Irish beer, it is in fact owned by a British company and has been since 1932.

Guinness stout is made from water, barley malt, hops, and brewers yeast. A portion of the barley is flaked (i.e. steamed and rolled) and roasted to give Guinness its dark-ruby colour and characteristic taste. It is pasteurised and filtered. Despite its reputation as a “meal in a glass”, Guinness only contains 198 calories (838 kilojoules) per imperial pint (20 fl oz UK) (1460 kJ/L), fewer than an equal-sized serving of skimmed milk or orange juice and most other non-light beers. The water used to brew Guinness comes from Lady’s Well in the Wicklow Mountains and the barley is Irish-grown

Draught Guinness and its canned counterpart contain nitrogen (N2) as well as carbon dioxide. Nitrogen is less soluble than carbon dioxide, which allows the beer to be put under high pressure without making it fizzy. The high pressure of dissolved gas is required to enable very small bubbles to be formed by forcing the draught beer through fine holes in a plate in the tap, which causes the characteristic “surge” (the widget in cans and bottles achieves the same effect). The perceived smoothness of draught Guinness is due to its low level of carbon dioxide and the creaminess of the head caused by the very fine bubbles that arise from the use of nitrogen and the dispensing method described above. “Original Extra Stout” tastes quite different; it contains only carbon dioxide, causing a more acidic taste.

Contemporary Guinness Draught and Extra Stout are weaker than they were in the 19th century, when they had an original gravity of over 1.070. Foreign Extra Stout and Special Export Stout, with ABV over 7%, are perhaps closest to the original in character.

Although Guinness may appear to be black, it is officially a very dark shade of ruby.

Arthur Guinness started brewing ales initially in Leixlip, then at the St. James’s Gate Brewery, Dublin, Ireland from 1759. He signed a 9,000 year lease at £45 per annum for the unused brewery. Ten years later in 1769 Guinness exported their product for the first time, when six and a half barrels were shipped to England.

Although sometimes believed to have originated the stout style of beer, the first use of the word stout in relation to beer was in a letter in the Egerton Manuscript dated 1677, almost 50 years before Arthur Guinness was born. The first Guinness beers to use the term were Single Stout and Double Stout in the 1840s.

Guinness brewed their last porter in 1974.

Guinness Stout is also brewed under licence internationally in several countries, including Nigeria and Indonesia. The unfermented but hopped Guinness wort extract (the essence) is shipped from Dublin and blended with a beer brewed locally.

The Guinness brewery in Park Royal, London closed in 2005. The production of all Guinness sold in the UK was switched to St. James’s Gate Brewery Dublin. People in the UK had previously stated that Irish-brewed Guinness tasted much better than that brewed in London.

The breweries pioneered several quality control efforts. The brewery hired the statistician William Sealy Gosset in 1899, who achieved lasting fame under the pseudonymn “Student” for techniques developed for Guinness, particularly Student’s t-distribution and the even more commonly known Student’s t-test.

Now amazingly, Guinness has health benefits

Studies show that Guinness can be beneficial to the heart. Researchers found that antioxidant compounds in Guinness, similar to those found in certain fruits and vegetables, are responsible for health benefits because they slow down the deposit of harmful cholesterol on the artery walls.

Guinness is not vegetarian, as it uses isinglass, which is a by-product of the fishing industry that comes from dead fish. It serves as a fining agent for settling out suspended matter in the vat. The isinglass is retained in the floor of the vat but it is possible that minute quantities might be carried over into the beer

So there you are, there is your beer lesson for today.

rally Ireland itself has a lot of promise for a spectacle, being held on the narrow, twisting and bumpy tarmac around Belfast and North-West counties of Ireland. Speeds will be high and cars will come back with underbody damage due to bottoming out, then there’s the ever present walls and hedges that take corners off.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wo0KuGU0UvY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9r7UOfaRGBM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DTotXyD0NKg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IxI1X4LzjtM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uNogRuAuyhA

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nJu55SVlN9E

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uQHUUZJSyPg

And old time Rally of Ireland action

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CToNRugWwxM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KOYwnHG2Wac

1986 Porsche incar!

Also, another fact is that Ireland is home to the most WRC cars of any national competition, with something like 80+ cars known to be there and with 90+ cars, with 34(!) of them WRC. Who said you hasd to have Group N for a successful championship?

Ireland also has a more open ideal for club cars with rotary Escorts, Escorts with STI running gear, Escorts that almost match the late Colin McRae’s in awesome, S1600, S2000, old cars, new cars, all sorts of cars.

Basically, they show what can be done and a lot of lessons could be learnt from their ideas.

Bring this one on and I think this will be one of the year’s highlights.

WTF, a serious post by Marcus to begin a WRC event discussion? Say it isnt so!

Okay, stupidity will be on tomorrow night when Finnigan and Rally Monkey report back to us and give us the inside scoop of who will win Rally of Ireland. After we stop them both eating Guinness. And stealing me lucky charms.

posted by admin at 9:37 pm  

Friday, August 24, 2007

Hello? Hello? Is this thing on?

It’s been a while since I visited this altar of published text distribution method thingy. Hi! I’m the dumb bastard who drives a 240SX with an open diff in dirt. I’m feeling a bit down lately, as I fear my trusty steed might be going to that big dirt road in the sky. Yes. Such a time must eventually come, when a combination of funds run short and time runs shorter, and the car is decided to be worth very little to fix.

I did an assessment of what needed to be replaced on the car, even if the tired, thrice overheated 275km single cam motor still has life (compression)

  • Every single bushing needs to be replaced
  • New shocks
  • New springs
  • New steering rack
  • Body has minor rust
  • Car needs a cage
  • Diff (My Kingdom for a Diff!)

I’m looking at 4k to do it remotely right. I don’t really have that sort of money, as I’d rather buy another $1000 car and throw the rest into going to overseas next year.

I realize I have not provided any updates for a long time, and it’s a bit shameful. I am usually too busy at the events to snap photos.

Back to your regularly scheduled entertaining posts.

posted by admin at 1:41 pm  

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

The Excel Series Rally of Germany

Hello good evening and welcome to another edition of Alliance Motorsport’s Rally Predictions, now sponsored by Silicone Enhancements, your new choice for plastic surgery!

And in case you might be wondering about what boob jobs have to do with rallying, read the alarming new news all cross dressing rally crews must take note of…

http://www.bmsc.com.au/forums/showpo…3&postcount=44

Not that I have need of silicone anything or penis enlargements. First I have to use it to need it……

The WRC makes it return to tarmac and while teams hate Germany and the beer (but not the beer servers), the roads for me make for some of the best TV action of any event. The unique and highly slippery roads, the hinkelsteins (I love that word, even if Petter has flying flashbacks) the jumps, the absolute challenge to man and machine makes this one rally I never miss watching. Even if Sebastian Loeb has never been beaten there and likely to NOT be beaten there ever, for once I couldn’t care less about his inhuman luck and seeming perfection that could only be created like the breasts of Pamela Anderson are created by our sponsors Silicone Enhancements.

However, while the Rally Predictions are usually pretty obviously created by a degranged mind due to the leaps of logic and sacrifice to Begark, the great Chicken Deity, the writer’s enjoyment of insanity is obvious as he is deadly serious about predictions Chris Atkinson will absolutely shock everyone by not only his Subaru working properly for an entire event, but also break through for his first WRC victory. In absolute panic, Sebastian Loeb decides his Citroen not just looks like merde but is a great big steaming pile of it, calls up the current ARCom chairman Ed Ordynski and in the ensuing conversation learns about the Hyundai Excel.

“But ow is this…. Xcel, ow she go?” Asks our perfect Froggy.

“Really good but you still will get beaten by a Australian” Ed replies.

“Better zan a Subaru beatin us! Ow ze shame!” Seb sobbed.

And in one of the most ridiculous pieces of illogical writing, the entire WRC circus is sent to Australia to compete in Excels.

Glenn “The FAZZ” Farrant (co-driven by the Annatastic Anna, complete with machete and flaming arrows) resplendent in a 70’s haircut, jeans and Fonze style leather jacket welcomes the challenge and proceeds to kick Loeb’s butt. But Sebastian is none too worried as in Excels there is no such thing as testicle restrictors and thence his massive Gallic footballs are safe from FIA scrutineers.

Our spy for the WRC vs Excel challenge (Alan Border Collie, who probably will end up being stolen by Coral Taylor again) has a full list of willing Excel challengers who will pit their skill and daring against the might of the WRC tarmac kings (And queens in the case of Danny Sordo).

Second Excel is D. Roberts, who uses to good effect a technique he learned of Mad Max – shotgun to the tyre of any WRC that dares try to overtake. In a heated gun battle, he fends off the challenge of Marcus Gronholm, who even resorts to a bazooka, blowing a hole in a hippy commune. Unfortunate for the flying Finn, his Focus ingests hippy guts and explodes in disgust.

Third Excel home is the pairing of M. Gillet and H. Smith. Danny Sordo attempts a pitfall trap, but is taken by the Almighty Sarlaac….. who ends up having extremely painful intergestion (and you think I can get Microsoft Word to spell that word for me….?) for 1000 years. Ewwwww….. Danny Sordo tastes as bad as his haircut 

Team David (White / Thompson) know where I live and work so mentioning Bruce Garland’s theory of living longer will most likely end up having… shall we say… consequences. Never the less, they turn it around and use this theory to shock Mikko Hivonen into 5 years less life with a crass display of Man boobs that turn poor Mikko into a blubbering mess of tragic quivering human flesh and manage to come fourth.

Gigi Galli has it sussed out now. He does a Vulcan mind meld with the crew of A.Artamonou and A. Pisarey, to escape the acid shooter they have installed in their Excel. The now three person team comes fifth and under Gigi influence punch every CAMS official that comes near them.

Sixth? Team Cullen. Why? Cause they cant be beaten by a car shared by Haggers and R.Flett, can they? Not while Haggers is out doing inappropriate charms on a goat, anyway. Henning Solberg and Jari Matti Latvala decide to steer clear of Haggers and go to the pub instead to likewise test out this really cool theory of longevity as told to them by a very strange and excitable Aussie.

Xavier Pons comes Eight, pleased to have a really good running Subaru. We didn’t have the heart to tell him Subaru stole the super secret new Excel off The Fazz.

And what of Petter Solberg? He’s still in Germany with Chris. And unlike Chris, the winner of Rally Germany, Petter’s car does it’s usual trick and falls apart after someone tried to give it a breast augmentation, bought to you by our Rally Prediction sponsor, Silicon Enhancements

posted by admin at 7:50 pm  

Monday, July 9, 2007

FIA PRESS RELEASE

NEWS BULLETIN 2007/112

** CAMS IMMEDIATE RELEASE **

** FIA TECHNICAL REGULATIONS CHANGE – TO AFFECT ALL DRIVERS WITH IMMEDIATE EFFECT **

The FIA have announced that in an effort to even up competition in rallying, with immediate effect that the banning of over large testicles has been banned.

“It has come to our attention that some drivers have an unfair advantage in the trouser areas and thence in an effort to bring competitors into line with International standards, anyone with a testicle size over 5% larger than the owrld average will have to have their testicles reduced in size by the FIA medical advisors”, Max Mosley, FIA Chairman was quoted as saying. “It is quite clear that the overly large ball sack gives an unfair advantage as well as a safety issue – sitting on one’s balls is painful and medical hazzard, as as as having unrestrained testicles fly around in an accident can lead to serious injury. We are also from today enforcing the compulsory wearing of testicle restraints in response to the black eyes Ray Day recieved when his testicles made contact with his face. The dangers of over large testicles can NOT be overestimated! Someone could die from this!”

Shock and disbelief has decended on the rally world, with several leading competitors disgusted with the FIA’s new rules.

“Ummm, I do not like ummm this” Sebastian Loeb said. “we at ummmm Citroen we have ummmmm even chaged cars to ummmm accomodate my manhood. And now the FIA want to ummmmmmmm cut it off? This is ummmm outrage!”

Marcus Gronholm could not be contacted for comment, but it is rumoured that he has armed himself and swore no one but one of Petter Solberg’s gorupies will EVER touch his family jewels”

On the local front, the FIA rule change has been greeted with skeptism and bemusement.

“And how exactly are they going to test this?” Well known BMSC contributor Spac posted. “Do we have to train CAMS certified gropers or something? And how are they going to test and police this rule? Stick a hand down our race suits and cop a feel?”

Flat in Fifth, the controversial correspondent of LackofRallySport News proclaimed world peace, cats and dogs mating, John Howard telling the truth and the resurrection of Peter Brock at the news from his bunker in a secret location, far away from rally crews who wish to discuss his views with various large blunt objects. He also proposed a franchise system with smaller testicled drivers could participate. “Perfect for me!” he said.

The proposed maximum size of testicles is proposed to be 34mm, with a testicle scrutineer to affix lock wire and a CAMS seal on each set of male genetalia.

Another BMSC regular called Bogan refused to confirm or deny reports he is designing the piercings needed.

Of course, this does beg the question as to what female competitors think of this news. Several were approached for comment but none were willing to be quoted, except for a lot of laughter.

posted by Marcus at 11:16 pm  

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Some days, things just get out of hand

So, we went from this on the 27th of February…

To this on the evening of hte 28th…

And thence there’s a bit of work I need to do.

Now, once I had the car stripped back, it seemed to be an easy job, as crash damage goes. Bent control arm, bit of panel bendage, tie rod bent. The fact the underpanels have been stripped of just about everything already that is allowed to be removed meant that a lot of what could of bent flexed back instead of staying bent. And so, after retrieving the car and assessing the situation, I began to gather parts for the fix, which as I said looked pretty easy as things go. The fact that VR4 parts can eb hard and expensive to find really wasnt much of an issue either…. I found out TP Magna suspension parts are a direct replacement! And that the sedan Galants are also front end interchangeable, which made the guard a easy one to find and modify to look like a VR4’s.
The problem was, you know how if you have your car for a while, you get a list of jobs in the back of your mind where you put off until another day for various reasons? I’m no exception, in fact if you asked I could rattle off a list that would be mind boggling, from little bits of trim I want to find, to major drive line overhauls. Mostly due to lack of funds or parts. Having access to a four door Galant tho for the first time in a while at Pick and Pay Less (Why they call it that when you pay a lot more than other wreckers AND you have the privledge, nay JOY! of rolling around in the mud / dirt and heat to pull slimy, greasy and filthy parts off yourself is beyond me. AND you also PAY for the joy of even getting IN the place in the first place!  Someone’s onto a good scam….)

Thinking of scams, the price jacks you get if your car is a ‘special model’ astound me. 250 dollars for a coil pack, when the exact same coil pack (right down to part number!) exists on a Hyandai Lantra for 60! Do part suppliers think the average joe is THAT stupid? It’s always good advice to find out alternative parts for sports cars – and usually, said sports cars usually have much lower spec cars for donor parts to begin with. Very few bits are 100% unique to any model. Used to always ask for Mazda 626 / 121 parts for feeding to my old RX7. Apart from the engine and body, almost everything else is interchangeable for another Mazda for a third of the price.

(If you have a Ferrari F430, the washer bottle is the same on a Lancia Beta sedan and a 10th of the price. True story)

Anyway, with the low model Galant, it suddenly became the car to donate hard to find trim and bits for the VR4. And that’s where things got out of hand. To top it off, I managed to find the Motherlode of VR4 spares, went for a trip and returned with three motors, two gearboxes, panels, spares galore and a fine addition to the dining room of two EVO cylinder heads, complete with rare as VR4 EVO intakes.

My to do list suddenly became “Lets do it!” list.

And it just got worse from there.

The headlights were the first victims. Switched for decent units.

Then the intercooling piping, known to be damaged for three years got switched.

Roof and door trim found and replaced

Engine trims to keep water off the spark plugs done

And so on and so forth until the new fender was done.


Black? Well, why not?

Cause the rest of the front end isnt black, the sane would of course reply.

*sigh*. No wonder I can get accused of no life. Honestly, I was only going to fix the control arm, not go into a full front end overhaul!

What’s more scary tho is that I have an event in two weeks to get to and the front end overhaul is nearly complete! Amazing what a cordless rattle gun and air compressor tools can allow you to do over Easter….

I’m sure others know exactly what I’m thinking as they have been there too – how on earth did such a small job turn into this monster?

posted by admin at 10:05 pm  

Friday, March 23, 2007

Sorta youngish Cat, new seating position

After 20 years of driving and racing, I’ve just done gone something a bit silly.

The driving position I have always had has been close to the wheel, in the manner that Frank Gardiner states we should have – upright, wrist able to touch the top of the steering wheel with the belts on. This promotes speed, stability and ability to put enough muscle on the wheel to make it turn…..

…. In the days of non power steering and low castor.

For some reason, the thoughts on proper driving position haven’t changed, even if cars have. Sure, leaning by like a wog driving a VL turbo Commodore cruzzing for hot bitches in Parra on Saturday night with the DOOF DOOF shit they call music booming out and shattering windows for 10 miles with the bass line kinkin the mad beetz out and making the girlies pants fall off so they can suck the bro’s cock is fucking stupid as well as far, far too close as in the 75 year old Grannie in her Corolla with utterly no idea what the FUCK is going on around her as she is listening to John Laws and agreeing young people should get a job and a haircut and homersexuals should be shot with something hotter than dick…. both you cant control the car properly. However in rallying, the steerign is NOT the be all and end all.

You also control the car via brakes / throttle and clutch…. so if you sit properly, what happens if your legs are cramped and cant move correctly? It used to be that you were SOL and in the days of manual steering,t hat’s quite correct. But we now have power steering and the effort one needs to use to steer and control is greatly lessened. And also with the current theory of suspension geometry stating CASTOR is the king not camber, the effort in steering a high castor car is next to impossible without power steering. And thence, some of the reasons origially we used for our seating positions are invalid

So, given I’m teaching myself to use a knife and fork as well as to left foot brake, the jumble and confusion of long legs in a tight space (say…. comparable to Britney Spear’s vigina for example…. errr wait, bad example, you could drive a truck in there and not touch the sides) makes that difficult. And that also goes for left foot braking.

So, I shifted my seat back a notch.

Interesting how different the car feels and how just that bit more room makes moving feet and pedal dancing easier.

So when they crap on about proper arm length from the wheel…… remember your legs too. Otherwise if your a woman you will leave slug trails around. And men if you dont wipe your ass, there will be a shit stain from the toilet leading to you.

Oh and byt he way, we now have a forum so you can talk shit on and take the piss out of motorsport. Antilag Forums Register and say hi!

Except if your Juan Montoya. Cause your a fat useless NASCAR crashing fag.

posted by Marcus at 4:29 pm  

Wednesday, March 7, 2007

Once upon a time in Rally of Mexico

So. Once again we have Alliance Motorsport’s Rally Predictions and to be frank and honest this time we have had to censor the reports of our rally spies (15 drunk unemployed Mexicans) due to incoherence and also…… shall we say questionable content. It’s amusing to read about Manfred Stohl’s rampage through the seeder parts of some small town in Mexico, but the details were, shall we say, just a bit TOO graphic, even for the more liberal and open journal that is the Alliance Motorsport weblog.

The most disturbing thing was mention of Gigi Galli and something about elaborate manipulation of a bum. On further research, our erstvile fact checker screamed “OH GOD GOATSE MY EYESS!!! THEY BURN!!!” and committed suicide to try to remove the image from his brain. No, I am not going to go further and no, I am not going to suggest you google what the hell it is….. I’m serious for a moment do NOT google if you value your sanity. But if you do, allow me to hint that you do so in the loneliness of your home, late at night where no one can hear you howl in horror at what will appear.

Unless you want to be sacked from work, where it will do it in a big hurry.

Get you sacked that is. Not do your work.

(I’m sure someone is curious, but believe me that you dont want to be. Forget I ever said it and never try looking – its the geek version of Fight Club. Except without fighting. And a manipulated bum. And not much of a club except for “I survived” members who shudder at the horror. And also, the good Lord help you if you have any idea what I’m talking about, cause I sure dont)

Anyway, while some may think elaborately manipulated bums are magnificent, I’m not one of them and thence we speak no more of that, but continue with a tamer tales of derring-do and how Petter Solberg and Chris Atkinson ruined Rally of Mexico for everyone.

The problems began not long after Rally of Norway. After being promised an actual decent car for Rally Mexico, Subaru’s new WRC 2007 as unveiled…. and promptly broke down, because it was designed and built by an Australian who couldn’t build a rally car to save his life. As a result, Petter and Chris wont even start the event as they are on protest – but what they will do will have ramifications for the sport for a long time. Usually nightmares.

The trouble will begin when Petter, much the worse off for wear after a hard night drinking Corona, decided to have a dodgy chili taco. After the fifth visit to the hotel bathroom (which I might add peeled the paint off the walls and destroyed the toilet bowl) Chris Atkinson got the all too unfortunate idea of the “Petter Flamethrower” and decided, in conjunction with his Subaru partner, to wreck havoc on the unsuspecting drivers and spectactors.

Sebastian Loeb’s insane luck didnt save him, in fact it cursed him as Chris forgot to apply the match as Petter took aim – thence a toxic mess hits the unfortunate Frenchman’s windshield and dissolves the car. Loeb DNF’s and has to seek professional help in dealign with the terror of seeing his car melt under the blast of ……

….

God help you if I need to describe that any further

Marcus Gronholm refuses to drive past second service as there is a bad smell coming from his car. It is later found to be somthing Chris left behind and lit.

Mikko Hirvonen escapes the carnage relatively unscathed apart from a bout of vomiting caused by the fumes coming off Loeb’s car and wins his third WRC event.

Henning Solberg remarkably is left alone. And comes second. I have no idea why that would be.

Third…. Dani Sordo in a borrowed Metro. His car wasn’t hit by a Subaru sneak flamethrower attack, but in fact was stolen and sold for scrap by the local children.

Fourth…. Gareth McHale, mainly because I’m seriously running out of FIA seeds to complete this list, what with all the smelly garbage flying about.

Jari-Matti Latvala still has the WRC’s coolest sounding name and as a result, many spectators die to keep his car in fact when they shield it from a partiularly bad twin blast from the Subaru boys and he comes fifth.

Sixth, mainly because I’ve lost all command of rationality is Matthew Wilson, who not only finishes a rally but doesnt use the Max’s Golden Dunny (aka SupeRally) restart rule for the first time ever.

Seventh is Speedy Gonzalez

Eigth is awarded to anyone brave enough to actually read this crap to the end. And thence first person to do so will be granted one WRC point and the worship of two cats.

And there you have it. More proof I should get a life.

Find us on the web below!

posted by admin at 4:46 pm  

Saturday, October 28, 2006

This is Antilag – taking the piss out of Motorsport

Good evening reader…. and much to my surprise there’s more than one of you, according to the logs. Of course that could be my cat using a proxy to make me feel better, but in the unlikely event that be true, there’s more than one reader out there. So to you all, g’day

It’s been a while since I’ve done an admin note, but I suppose it’s a good idea now and then to explain what the fuck this is all about. Antilag is Alliance Motorsport’s blog where we crow about how good we are (which no one gives a shit about) and more importantly, where we also take the piss out of motorsport, or that’s the way it’s beginning to develop. The Rally Predictions I do on BMSC and occasionalyl here are proving if not popular, enjoyable for most to read so I guess I’ll expand it out and make an effort to skewer motorsport where it deserves it.

Motor racing is Serious Business for most of us. It’s good to be reminded of that with some barbed humour and mocking. Now, I cant promise every word will be laugh out loud, but I can promise better- it will be entertaining and worth the read.  I will attempt to write something once a week at the very least, more if I can get support, articles, some pointers to some things to laugh at

I can say you may be offended now and then, grossed out maybe….. well look, the rules here are…. you do what WE say. So we will do as we like and if you dont like it, dont read.

But if you do like it, check back in regularly and also if you really, really like us, why not spread the word? The more here, the more I’ll provide content and the more here, the better the community is. Link us everywhere and join in the fun.

Because you know, serious things need to be taken the piss out of.

Marcus

posted by admin at 8:19 pm  

Monday, April 10, 2006

I am weak.

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posted by admin at 11:07 am  

Sunday, April 9, 2006

And in a late call, went racign again

Probably not the wisest of things to do with the rally coming up… but what the hell. The car is pretty close to be honest to being ready to go so I decided to go burn rubber.

Today’s event was in a different place than usual – Ringwood is a place I aint been to in 10 years. A lot has changed too. The khanacross we did there so many years ago was the first event Peter ever did in the RX2. It was the first my then fiancee did, she damaged the Commodore. We laughed. As I remember, I did okay too. It was one of the LAST events I was to do before marrige.

Now I’m heading for divorce, it seems funny it’s been so long since I’ve been there. 10 years is a long time and a lot has changed. Then iwas one of the ones making up the numbers, these days I have an honest chance at winning outright. I am a much faster and more dickhead driver than then too, I take some real chances that I wouldnt then. The cars have changed too – then it was a 5.3 litre V8 Commodore. Now is a 2 litre turbocharged Galant VR-4 RS rally beast. The VR4 is actually a heavier car, even has less power too than the Commodore. But what the Commodore doesnt have is AWD. And frankly, since I’ve begun to really drive AWD properly, my results are somethignng I couldnt dream about then. I dare say I could never have driven the VR4 like I can now too.

When the VR4 was first used, I got 20th outright and was battling to stay within 2 seconds a test of the quicker sedans. That was 2004, got 2nd in a test which showed the potential.

2005 of course was a fuckup in the personal life, but with the ability to race when I wanted, things changed. 4th outright first up in the RX2, then the VR4 broke loose in a rally, 7th outright at Ansell Park with first ever test win and first class win in the Galant. Then, a badly thought out suspension change and 29th then 20th. Ugh. Undo change, then 14th at a State round motorkhana and I was into the fastest sedans. The real breakthrough came not long after with 1st Outright verses all comers at Ansell Park which included the current Aust motorkhana champ. The thing that WTF’ed me was the Galant is biiiig car, too big for motorkana and yet it showed it’s real potential and since the 14th outright has not been beaten in class. In fact, it usually wins by huge margins now. Another 7th, three more 4ths, blew 2nd outright at Oran Park at the NSW WRX event that closed out the year. That was a day to forget, things on the car were falling apart and a busted front end.

All in all, 2*7th, 4*4th, 1*1st, 6 class wins. Not bad, 8 test wins, 16 events.

2006 is treatening to beat that easily. I’m right now 1*4th, and 2* 3rd, 3 test wins out of three events. And the guys I was fighting with in 2005, I’m now 10-15 seconds on the days faster.

Simply put, the offseason work and the work I’ve been putting in on my fitness and getting the car to run well are paying off. At the State khanacross I wasnt real happy, but today I had more fun than should be legal. I think the results showed it – 7 seconds closer to 1st outright, 1.2 to 2nd. The killer was one test that was a bit too tight, the specials got away. Not on the other two tho!

Ringwood was a great suspension test too, it was godamn rough but still, the VR4 handled it really well.

I’ll write more tomorrow, but for now 3rd outright, within striking distance of the fastest special. Man, there’s no fucking way a VR4 should be doing that.

posted by admin at 11:41 pm  
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