Hello, good evening and welcome to the first installment of Alliance Motorsport’s Rally Predictions for 2009. Unfortunately due to budget cuts, we have had to scale back our operations this year and been restricted to a black guy asking for change and offering hope in return for this one. Unfortunatly this guy seems to have a few problems on his mind and was rather puzzled by our questions. However, he looked forward to working with us in seeking a bailout of the rallying community.
What we cant avoid in this time of trouble is the fact WRC 2009 will be the most boring on record. No Monte, no Sweden, just 12 events with the sole highlight the return of Australia. And of course it’s harder on us trying to poke fun at the sport when the big name in rallying, SWRT will not be returning, due to a mercy killing. Or Subaru not paying for enough Nazi hookers for Mosley to make a sane set of rules for 2011. Take your pick.
Also culled is Suzuki, who decided that a 1.95 was too much to spend on their rally campain. Which of course leaves us with No Petter Solberg and his large array of big boobied groupies to have parties and have lots of drunken sex – but on the other hand he no longer has to wonder what highly unlikely event – like a dog suicide bombing his car – will force his DNF. And of course leaves Chris Atkinson’s future up in the air.
This leaves two works teams, a handful of M2 Citroens and Fords, plus a bunch of privateers we have never heard of before who will make up the numbers. This of course is following in the tried and true footsteps of the ARC – dumb rules forcing competitors out, manufacturers deciding they don’t want to play and a handful of privateers who will never be paid any attention to by TV no matter how well they do. Once again, a world leader in rallying!
And much like the ARC of 2007 and Simon Evans, I would fully expect Sebastian Loeb to be unchallenged at any event, with either Mikko Hirvonen or Jari Matti Latvala with the odd Citroen blow in making up the minor placings. Except for one event where I feel the WRC cars will be so thin on the ground, it allows a Group N car to get on the podium. Until Toyota pulled out of the ARC, I would have said S2000 and Simon Evans in Australia for third outright……
So, Ireland. What to expect?
Sebastian to win. Duh.
Atkinson to do well before crashing, which MAY earn him a Citroen M2 seat for the rest of the year. I’m not hopeful.
A bunch of names you have never heard of to fill most of the finishing positions.
Danny Sordo to get a groupie, due to lack of other viable choices.
The irish to get very drunk and to sing dirty limericks as cars go by
But really, it’ll be a thin year and I’ll be stretching it to find much to write about. And our rally spy? He’s muttering “Why on earth did I run for this job…?’
Oh well. We can only dream of better to come and for the promise of our forefathers of flame spitting machinery to come past.