This is a no expense spared piece of snot has been lovenly crafted with the same air and dirt Ari Vatenen has himself breathed, mixed with the same consistency water vapour and mucus. When wiped, this authentuc replica snot will taste and smell so much like the real thing you will think the High Preist of Begark has blessed you with his own precious sneeze and will drip off your face with exactly the same speed. Preheated for the snot conissor, each piece of nose phlem will be a joy to keep and display to all your friends
There is a limit of 50 so be quick! Operators in Bangalore Sydney are now waiting for your call.
Remember – only Alliance Motorsport can produce such snot so accept no inferior replicas.
(since when the fuck has a replica rally car been worth 100,000?????)
In a horrifying outbreak of common sense, new FIA dictactor for life Jean Todt has declared that co-drivers are to be acknowledged once again as existing and important and not just meat ballast.
“”The fact is that in my day we could say we was the co-driver for Ari Vatenen or Walter Rohl and every single girl with the big boobies in the service park would want to have all night sex with me – and to prove all I had to do was point at the smoking wreckage and there was our names. We were acknowledged as brave and insane and who wouldnt want to have mad sex with a man like that” he is quoted. “But look at how badly we have been sex starved for the last years – not even a desperate land whale with braces and pimples wanted to know us. And all because no one knew who we were! And I tell you, drivers know nothing of sex. They dont call them pace notes for nothing! How do you think I get to continue to tap the hotness of Michelle Yeoh?”
Co-Drivers cheered with their newly returned status.
“I have been watching Loeb get all the hot tall blondes and what do you think I got? I was lucky to have quiet time with Mrs Palmer and even then I had to bride her!” stated Daniel Elena “But now I have all I want and I can tell you I have been makign up for lost time Now excuse me I have a foursome with Denise Milani and her two sisters”
Not everyone was pleased with the changes
“How can we run motorsport if you expect us to use common sense?” stated a CAMS representive on condition of anonymity – well okay we have no idea who they were. “Next you be saying we should fix problems that are all our fault – next they’ll be telling us we have to be accountable! Hoorible things will happen if that happen. HORRIBLE THINGS!”
When questioned on what horrible things were, the CAMS representitive broke in a long diatribe that sounded like the average political press release and frankly everyone has had enough of that right now so we wont subject you to it.
Drivers are reported to be bemused with the amount of sex their formerly chase co-drivers are indulging in but are happy that sudden accidents that obsure the inside of windscreens no longer occur when promotion girls in tight lycra pass by. So too are service crews who had to clean up too many accidents caused by acute blue balls.