When you can suck at three?
Somewhere along the line, someone has gotten me into Triathlon. And now in a first of abject madness I’m entered in a 70.3, also known as Long course or half IronMan. I’m sure I entered it thinking something something Robert Downey Jnr and metal suits. Cause you know, he does have such niiiiice suits.
So…. why post about it here? Why not? Why not add some rather warped perspective to yet another sport? And this time I can write terrible humour about something I dont really know much about – at least with Rallying I know something about that subject and the drunken debachery that goes on. See Tri folk…. you think you know how to party but you dont. Rally folk drink enough alcohol to poision a Russian and they have a rather…. warped outlook on life. But I will admit that rally folk arent exactly as fit to say the least, you can be rather rotund and still rally successfully. In Triathlon, that’s more a set up for a heart attack than a trophy. And also in Triathlon the point of it isnt to give someone a heart attack like a driver does to a co-driver, plus inflicting damage to your equipment and scencery is painful.
And the other good thing? No one in Triathlon has any idea who Sebastian Loeb is, while Loeb could never actually ride a bike due to the size of his balls. Plus the whole drug testing thing… they would rapidly find out Loeb has no blood and is indeed either a robot or been turned inhuman in his deal with Satan. Fortuantly demonic spirits and robots are not Triathlon legal so HOORAY! no Loeb to spoil the fun! And as well with the USADA puttig Lance Armstrong int he sin bin for life, I dont feel the need to make jokes about fitting better on a bike all the time. Cause you know, sitting on your own testicles kinda is uncomfortable – that’s really one of the things they never tell you about cycling, the reverse tranny tuck to get your wedding tackle out of the way and not to find yourself 50 kms down the road realising you have cut off circulation down there and the rather alarming amount of pain it is when you rearrange things down there and blood returns. It’s liek someone took a branding iron and hit you in the crotch. Except no sizzling pubes. Which if you are a cyclist you probably shaved off so at least there’s no smell of burning crotch if you did entertain the thought of branding yourself.
Reminds me, I saw a video like that once….
Annnnyway, back onto the vague thing that passes as a point when I get going into a blur of keyboard dribble, the point of this was that someone who knows me suggested it would be a godo idea to write down a bunch of stuff in my journery to the 70.3. Possibly as a warning for others to not go there because HERE BE DRAGONS, keep watching You are a Loser and stay fat. Or if you have lost leave of anything approaching your senses, get inspired and get off the couch, turn the TV off, get running, cycling, splashing in a pool not drowning etc etc etc and just do it.
Serious part – yeah I get serious. See, the issue I think is too few people dont realise that fitness is a lifestyle. You have to make time, you have to set goals, you have to go into it knowing that if you are horribly unfit there are no quick fixes. It’s about like I did a few years ago, putting one foot in front of the other and then the next until you look back and realise where you have come from and where you have been. And to be honest, I’m not like Big Kev, I never have been. I have gotten fairly uncomfortably unhealthy and fat so lets say I know where some people are coming from. But let me tell you, it’s worth seeing your dcotor tell you your blood has returned to what should be normal, rather than what you could have been and were going to.
So you know, maybe people wont read this…. that’s fine. I’m used to talking to myself. But if you do happen to read and you feel you can do it too….. then remeber, it’s a lifestyle and the journey starts with a footstep in the right direction. Just remeber, once you start, just dont stop.