Random rubbish from the motor sport world

Wednesday, May 27, 2020

Why Subaru Outback no start???

The issue is that there is no way in hell I’m going to do the super secret ceremony for starting recalcitrant Outbacks where obese neckbeards dress up as Sailor Moon and Meiko Shiraki before prostrating themselves on the ground with fake tentacles and vape smoke, chanting something about their eternal love of waifu and how they want sempai to notice them, all the while branishing knock off katanas as sweat pours off unwashed bodies unused to doing more than getting off the couch to get another bag of doritos and whatever fucking anime juice they consume.

And this is why WRX’s are far better. The super secret ceremony to get them started revolves around soaking yourself in the blood of spectactors that you have personally run over, all the while growling and spitting lit AVGAS, calling apon Begark the Great Chicken God to bless you and protect from killer trees and to have the mere presence of the ghost of Colin McRae come to bequeath Words Of Wisdom upon you, all the while the Great and Pure disciple of Begark, Ari Vatenen stands on the car with eyes and hands aflame ready to strike down all who do not worship Begark or are F1 fanboys with the power of 1000 antilag systems exploding all at once. And then the very spirit of Possum Bourne will come forth and personally kickstart the engine into life. Now THAT is a ceremony I have no problems doing because who the fuck wouldn’t want to have The Great and Pure Ari Vatenen come forth as a blazing visage?

Fuck your Animes, and FUUUUUUUUCK back windscreens filled with car stickers too

posted by admin at 9:35 am  

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