In breaking news, Sebastian Loeb has been found out as having a secret life as a porn star. In a bombshell that has shaken Citroen – but in all fact pretty much everyone else knew – a keen eyed observer has spotted Loeb in a video on ****ingmachines.com – as the machine.
“It was a surprise to be sure and he does lok unfamiliar without hos human disguise on but no one can mistake his movements as they are so precise and his voice – ‘Ummmmmmmmm yes I think so ummmmmmmm yes do you ummmmm like it like ummmmm that’ – even without his fake french accent he’s unmissable” said Ima Wanka, 21 from his parents basement. “I was all like gettingoff and then I realised he was Sebastian Loeb so after cleaning my screen I phoned the News Of The World”
“It’s about time that bloody robot got outed” said Malcom Wilson, Principle of M-Sport and the Ford WRC team. “THere’s been rumours for years and this proves it. How the hell are we supposed to win against that? Let alone he keeps going for as long as his batteries keep going, no wonder you have fangirls lined up 20 deep”
Citroen team bosses expressed surprise.
“A Robot? No, he’s quite clearly human. We reject utterly the accusations of Loeb’s robot status altho the site in question…… ummm…. what was the question again?”
Porn stars have been willing to verify the identity of the robot with many female performers expressing their support and admiration for Loebot. Many comments that are pretty much unprintable but you get the idea.
The FIA will be meeting tmorrow to see the clip in question and Esmerela Jizzmop has been put on standby to clean up afterwards.