FIA announces new media mogul
Paris, 14/02/2012
In a shock move, the FIA have announced that Alliance Motorsport, the long time thorn of truth and honesty in the the side of the drunken traveling orgy that is also known as the WRC has become the new official TV promoter for the worlds greatest motorsport.
“It’s not a surprise to me” Cat Terrist, CEO and Emperor for Life of Alliance Motorsport stated. “In fact it’s a surprise it took this long to admit we are by far the best aspirants to this glorious and substantial task. We have the best staff writers in the known galaxy and such a copious supply of mind altering cat nip – in fact all sorts of racing governing bodies were queueing up to give us their media rights. In fact I took a call some some fat bloke in Texas who has the rights to NASCAR which we of course politely turned down as we have in fact no fucking idea what NASCAR even is or even where the hell Texas is. Isn’t that some place in Mexico?”
Other Alliance Motorsport writers when asked for comment were similarily effusive about the major role they would now play in spreading the rallying gospel
“Dude, have you SEEN the groupies Petter Solberg has?” stated Florida staff writer Wrar, 30 of no fixed abode. “Look, all I have to do is flash my media pass and they will be all over me to get a chance to be closer and in their sexual frustration I’ll score! I feel so……. so…. about to be used!”
Kaptain Ballistik was not available for legible comment.
Still, there is some concerns in the WRC camp but they have all been put to rest with a lot of money and a few well placed hookers and cocaine.
We of Alliance Motorpsort look forward to once again bringing you news from the inside of all forms of motorsport that actually are motorsport, which I guess gives us a cast iron excuse to insult pretty much whom we feel like outside of WRC and rallying cause only rallying needs testicle restrictors. And if there is one thing the women like it’s big balls on the end of a suitably long gearstick.