Random rubbish from the motor sport world

Thursday, May 3, 2007

Rally Argentina

It is time, unfortunatly for the english language for Alliance Motorsport’s rally predictions, the worlds most innaccurate and occasionally even a tiny bit funny look at the World Rally Championship.

Unfortunantly, due to circumstances beyound our control (Author is chock full of pain killers due to a shoulder and ankle poblem – one should not try to scratch an itch on the collarbone with one’s big toe….. which is one step further up the improbability scale from having own head up one’s a*** I suppose, tho there would be those who would say I’ve managed that) there probably will be a lack of even attempts at funny because of a reality problem.

Not on the right drugs to be in an alternate reality

Which in effect is a problem as that rally prediciting really has gotten too easy of late. You simply put in

1. S. Loeb
2. M. Gronholm
3. M. Hirvonen
4. D. Sordo

DNF via metor shower P. Solberg DNF via car consumed by black hole, C. Atkinson, SupeRally used 31,254 times in an event M. Wilson and your done. You would honestly get 1st place in any tipping competition with that and that is in fact while this highly depressed Subaru supporter will log for this event. Even trying to liven up with jokes and alternate realities just cant deny the fact that Sebastian Loeb is the 12th Cylon, thence just cant be beaten by any mortal man.

And thence, Subaru arent even going to try mortal man, they have hired Stephane Prevot of the Borg Collective to co-drive with Chris Atkinson. Stephane has been co-driver for 3 of 10 and Francos Duval, whose tougue wagging antics has been missed in 2007. Duval we believe has gotten a job as a high class windscreen washer for Skoda. His co-driver has also been refused insurance for tounge slaps and drowning in drool.

Prevot (also known in the Borg Collective as 1 from 4) also comes with 7 from 9 as a service crew, which proves to be a really bad idea as Loeb’s wife is Number six of the Cylons and the two cyborgs try to kill each other in a jelly wreslting competition. Or it could be a good idea if you do some googling and find out exactly what I’m talking about. And frankly, given Star Trek is for fat lifeless nerds in mummy’s basement, while the new Battlestar Galactica is for the thinking geek….. my money’s on Number Six.

The mass of smelly nerds fighting over ringside seats for the Borg/Cylon jelly wrestle becomes too much for reality to bear – after all, most smelly nerds have never seen a hot woman who’s name doesnt end in .jpg in real life – and the concentrated effect of excited nerds cause a rip in the space/time continuum and a black hole appears…. whcih of course is how Atkinson’s car disappears.

The meteor shower is the remaining nerds being exploded and thrown into SEO by rally fans who are sick of SciFi invading their sport with phasers set to “Dork”.

Fifth in the event will be Henning Solberg, bemused by all this SciFi warfare as he is more of a Lord of the Rings fan and thence sets a bunch of elven archers of Mirkwood to be rid of any surviving overexcited nerds.

Sixth is Jari Paddycake Paddycake Latavala, with a new optically ground windscreen so he doesnt sit on his glasses anymore.

Seventh is Jean Luc Picard, on a break from going where no man has gone before

Eight is Luis Perez Companc. He doesnt like any of this nonsense, but he does like 7 from 9 and scores with her too.

Well, I’m sure unless your a Star Trey nerd you wont be reading this anyway cause I didnt type it in Klingon and if your a BSG fan your waiting the next series and lusting after number three or six or Lee Amada if your female. Or if your a rally fan your probably wondering what the HELL this was all about, so I would recommend that instead of wating for the obvious Loeb victory, check out season one of the revisioned Battlestar Galatica, probably one of the best TV series in the last decade instead. And you will know exactly who the 12th Cylon really is.

posted by admin at 7:03 pm  

No Comments »

No comments yet.

RSS feed for comments on this post.

Leave a comment

You must be logged in to post a comment.

Powered by WordPress