Random rubbish from the motor sport world

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Rally of Canned Sardines and other fishy goodness

Once again (much to the disgust of the cunning liguists of this forum) the grammar and spelling disaster that is Alliance Motorsport’s WRC Rally Predictions returns to bring our rather unique look at the world of the WRC.

Frankly, it’s so boring doing this, we’ve decided to go fishing instead. And while in the sun and casting a line into the still waters of the Nepean River (and wondering how fast the toxic water can dissolve the boat we’re in) we discovered the thing called Beer. And this Beer alters one’s mind in all sorts of unusual directions, in that even the most predictable and uninteresting of jobs like predicting WRC winners becomes somewhat bearable. And with much interest, we found out that the majority of WRC crews like fishing too with some taking to the calmness and peace with some trouble however.

Sebastian Loeb doesnt fish. He simply stands in the water nude and hte fish come to nibble on his tackle. With the inhuman reflexes that he possesses, he can catch an attacking Great White Shark, fillet it and have it ready to be cooked before the surprised fish can have a chance to react. Of course, sharks dont have a backbone as such, but what cartlige they possess can be seen swimming off in stunned amazement that it’s flesh is being consumed by a ravenous Citroen Sport. Thence Loeb wins the Sardinia fishing tornament by any measure.

Chris Atkinson is quite a fisherman. And unlike the pathetic that is his Subaru, he has access to some seriously good fishing equipment – a store of dynamite, genades and a shotgun. One stick of TNT and the fish willingly leap at Atkinson to escape the underwater carnage and he is so good at it that even Loeb fears his fishing skills. Or he fears Atkinson’s skill with explosives, like most teams do. They also fear his culinary skill with a chainsaw – surprising how well Atkinson can slice a barra with a Stihl. Thence Atkinson comes second.

Third will be of all people Petter Solberg. Petter is also quite a good fisherman, given how he’s had lots of practice this year, altho by his own admission he would rather be rallying – but seems his Subaru keeps on sustaining fatal damage from passing Leprecauns and fairies, rallying tends to be out of the question. Armed with a axe, he simply waits for salmon take their leap on waterfalls. He also uses the axe on bears, but that’s another story. Third.

Fourth in the fishing contest is Mikko Hirvonen. Relaxation and fishing go hand in hand, so the normally comatose Finn is well suited to catching fish. He manages to catch a Fish Called Wanda and ….. well…..

Oh now come on, do I need to draw a pciture? What would YOU do with a younger hot and sexy Jamie Lee Curtis?????

Fifth is surprsingly Danni Sordo. Now, being so utterly without charisma and charm, the Spaniard would frighten even the most retarded fish away – but while Sordo needs a charisma transplant, I never said he was unintelligent. Setting up a net on the other side of the lake, terrified fish flee fom him, only to be caught in his cunning trap.

Sixth is Matthew Wilson. You cant crash a fishing rod, but he still manages this amazing feat, which makes a school of trout die with laughter. And thence, the fishies are easy pickings.

Seventh is Captain Ahab and did you know there really was a Moby-Dick?

There you are, a bit of actual fact and education

Eigth is Jari-Matti Latvala. He uses vodka. Not for fishing of course, but to bribe the judges.

If anythin like this even looks like happening in the rally, I’ll be shocked. And even more because I have as you may have noticed, selected Marcus Gronholm as a DNF for the Sardinia Fishing Competition. You see, Marcus doesnt like fish. He prefers. Moose. Raw. And preferably still alive when he begins to devour it.

posted by admin at 6:35 pm  

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