Random rubbish from the motor sport world

Monday, July 9, 2007





The FIA have announced that in an effort to even up competition in rallying, with immediate effect that the banning of over large testicles has been banned.

“It has come to our attention that some drivers have an unfair advantage in the trouser areas and thence in an effort to bring competitors into line with International standards, anyone with a testicle size over 5% larger than the owrld average will have to have their testicles reduced in size by the FIA medical advisors”, Max Mosley, FIA Chairman was quoted as saying. “It is quite clear that the overly large ball sack gives an unfair advantage as well as a safety issue – sitting on one’s balls is painful and medical hazzard, as as as having unrestrained testicles fly around in an accident can lead to serious injury. We are also from today enforcing the compulsory wearing of testicle restraints in response to the black eyes Ray Day recieved when his testicles made contact with his face. The dangers of over large testicles can NOT be overestimated! Someone could die from this!”

Shock and disbelief has decended on the rally world, with several leading competitors disgusted with the FIA’s new rules.

“Ummm, I do not like ummm this” Sebastian Loeb said. “we at ummmm Citroen we have ummmmm even chaged cars to ummmm accomodate my manhood. And now the FIA want to ummmmmmmm cut it off? This is ummmm outrage!”

Marcus Gronholm could not be contacted for comment, but it is rumoured that he has armed himself and swore no one but one of Petter Solberg’s gorupies will EVER touch his family jewels”

On the local front, the FIA rule change has been greeted with skeptism and bemusement.

“And how exactly are they going to test this?” Well known BMSC contributor Spac posted. “Do we have to train CAMS certified gropers or something? And how are they going to test and police this rule? Stick a hand down our race suits and cop a feel?”

Flat in Fifth, the controversial correspondent of LackofRallySport News proclaimed world peace, cats and dogs mating, John Howard telling the truth and the resurrection of Peter Brock at the news from his bunker in a secret location, far away from rally crews who wish to discuss his views with various large blunt objects. He also proposed a franchise system with smaller testicled drivers could participate. “Perfect for me!” he said.

The proposed maximum size of testicles is proposed to be 34mm, with a testicle scrutineer to affix lock wire and a CAMS seal on each set of male genetalia.

Another BMSC regular called Bogan refused to confirm or deny reports he is designing the piercings needed.

Of course, this does beg the question as to what female competitors think of this news. Several were approached for comment but none were willing to be quoted, except for a lot of laughter.

posted by Marcus at 11:16 pm  

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