Antilag

After 20 years of driving and racing, I’ve just done gone something a bit silly.

The driving position I have always had has been close to the wheel, in the manner that Frank Gardiner states we should have – upright, wrist able to touch the top of the steering wheel with the belts on. This promotes speed, stability and ability to put enough muscle on the wheel to make it turn…..

…

…. In the days of non power steering and low castor.

For some reason, the thoughts on proper driving position haven’t changed, even if cars have. Sure, leaning by like a wog driving a VL turbo Commodore cruzzing for hot bitches in Parra on Saturday night with the DOOF DOOF shit they call music booming out and shattering windows for 10 miles with the bass line kinkin the mad beetz out and making the girlies pants fall off so they can suck the bro’s cock is fucking stupid as well as far, far too close as in the 75 year old Grannie in her Corolla with utterly no idea what the FUCK is going on around her as she is listening to John Laws and agreeing young people should get a job and a haircut and homersexuals should be shot with something hotter than dick…. both you cant control the car properly. However in rallying, the steerign is NOT the be all and end all.

You also control the car via brakes / throttle and clutch…. so if you sit properly, what happens if your legs are cramped and cant move correctly? It used to be that you were SOL and in the days of manual steering,t hat’s quite correct. But we now have power steering and the effort one needs to use to steer and control is greatly lessened. And also with the current theory of suspension geometry stating CASTOR is the king not camber, the effort in steering a high castor car is next to impossible without power steering. And thence, some of the reasons origially we used for our seating positions are invalid

So, given I’m teaching myself to use a knife and fork as well as to left foot brake, the jumble and confusion of long legs in a tight space (say…. comparable to Britney Spear’s vigina for example…. errr wait, bad example, you could drive a truck in there and not touch the sides) makes that difficult. And that also goes for left foot braking.

So, I shifted my seat back a notch.

Interesting how different the car feels and how just that bit more room makes moving feet and pedal dancing easier.

So when they crap on about proper arm length from the wheel…… remember your legs too. Otherwise if your a woman you will leave slug trails around. And men if you dont wipe your ass, there will be a shit stain from the toilet leading to you.

Oh and byt he way, we now have a forum so you can talk shit on and take the piss out of motorsport. Antilag Forums Register and say hi!

Except if your Juan Montoya. Cause your a fat useless NASCAR crashing fag.

So. Once again we have Alliance Motorsport’s Rally Predictions and to be frank and honest this time we have had to censor the reports of our rally spies (15 drunk unemployed Mexicans) due to incoherence and also…… shall we say questionable content. It’s amusing to read about Manfred Stohl’s rampage through the seeder parts of some small town in Mexico, but the details were, shall we say, just a bit TOO graphic, even for the more liberal and open journal that is the Alliance Motorsport weblog.

The most disturbing thing was mention of Gigi Galli and something about elaborate manipulation of a bum. On further research, our erstvile fact checker screamed “OH GOD GOATSE MY EYESS!!! THEY BURN!!!” and committed suicide to try to remove the image from his brain. No, I am not going to go further and no, I am not going to suggest you google what the hell it is….. I’m serious for a moment do NOT google if you value your sanity. But if you do, allow me to hint that you do so in the loneliness of your home, late at night where no one can hear you howl in horror at what will appear.

Unless you want to be sacked from work, where it will do it in a big hurry.

Get you sacked that is. Not do your work.

(I’m sure someone is curious, but believe me that you dont want to be. Forget I ever said it and never try looking – its the geek version of Fight Club. Except without fighting. And a manipulated bum. And not much of a club except for “I survived” members who shudder at the horror. And also, the good Lord help you if you have any idea what I’m talking about, cause I sure dont)

Anyway, while some may think elaborately manipulated bums are magnificent, I’m not one of them and thence we speak no more of that, but continue with a tamer tales of derring-do and how Petter Solberg and Chris Atkinson ruined Rally of Mexico for everyone.

The problems began not long after Rally of Norway. After being promised an actual decent car for Rally Mexico, Subaru’s new WRC 2007 as unveiled…. and promptly broke down, because it was designed and built by an Australian who couldn’t build a rally car to save his life. As a result, Petter and Chris wont even start the event as they are on protest – but what they will do will have ramifications for the sport for a long time. Usually nightmares.

The trouble will begin when Petter, much the worse off for wear after a hard night drinking Corona, decided to have a dodgy chili taco. After the fifth visit to the hotel bathroom (which I might add peeled the paint off the walls and destroyed the toilet bowl) Chris Atkinson got the all too unfortunate idea of the “Petter Flamethrower” and decided, in conjunction with his Subaru partner, to wreck havoc on the unsuspecting drivers and spectactors.

Sebastian Loeb’s insane luck didnt save him, in fact it cursed him as Chris forgot to apply the match as Petter took aim – thence a toxic mess hits the unfortunate Frenchman’s windshield and dissolves the car. Loeb DNF’s and has to seek professional help in dealign with the terror of seeing his car melt under the blast of ……

….

God help you if I need to describe that any further

Marcus Gronholm refuses to drive past second service as there is a bad smell coming from his car. It is later found to be somthing Chris left behind and lit.

Mikko Hirvonen escapes the carnage relatively unscathed apart from a bout of vomiting caused by the fumes coming off Loeb’s car and wins his third WRC event.

Henning Solberg remarkably is left alone. And comes second. I have no idea why that would be.

Third…. Dani Sordo in a borrowed Metro. His car wasn’t hit by a Subaru sneak flamethrower attack, but in fact was stolen and sold for scrap by the local children.

Fourth…. Gareth McHale, mainly because I’m seriously running out of FIA seeds to complete this list, what with all the smelly garbage flying about.

Jari-Matti Latvala still has the WRC’s coolest sounding name and as a result, many spectators die to keep his car in fact when they shield it from a partiularly bad twin blast from the Subaru boys and he comes fifth.

Sixth, mainly because I’ve lost all command of rationality is Matthew Wilson, who not only finishes a rally but doesnt use the Max’s Golden Dunny (aka SupeRally) restart rule for the first time ever.

Seventh is Speedy Gonzalez

Eigth is awarded to anyone brave enough to actually read this crap to the end. And thence first person to do so will be granted one WRC point and the worship of two cats.

And there you have it. More proof I should get a life.

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Good evening reader…. and much to my surprise there’s more than one of you, according to the logs. Of course that could be my cat using a proxy to make me feel better, but in the unlikely event that be true, there’s more than one reader out there. So to you all, g’day

It’s been a while since I’ve done an admin note, but I suppose it’s a good idea now and then to explain what the fuck this is all about. Antilag is Alliance Motorsport’s blog where we crow about how good we are (which no one gives a shit about) and more importantly, where we also take the piss out of motorsport, or that’s the way it’s beginning to develop. The Rally Predictions I do on BMSC and occasionalyl here are proving if not popular, enjoyable for most to read so I guess I’ll expand it out and make an effort to skewer motorsport where it deserves it.

Motor racing is Serious Business for most of us. It’s good to be reminded of that with some barbed humour and mocking. Now, I cant promise every word will be laugh out loud, but I can promise better- it will be entertaining and worth the read.  I will attempt to write something once a week at the very least, more if I can get support, articles, some pointers to some things to laugh at

I can say you may be offended now and then, grossed out maybe….. well look, the rules here are…. you do what WE say. So we will do as we like and if you dont like it, dont read.

But if you do like it, check back in regularly and also if you really, really like us, why not spread the word? The more here, the more I’ll provide content and the more here, the better the community is. Link us everywhere and join in the fun.

Because you know, serious things need to be taken the piss out of.

Marcus

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Probably not the wisest of things to do with the rally coming up… but what the hell. The car is pretty close to be honest to being ready to go so I decided to go burn rubber.

Today’s event was in a different place than usual – Ringwood is a place I aint been to in 10 years. A lot has changed too. The khanacross we did there so many years ago was the first event Peter ever did in the RX2. It was the first my then fiancee did, she damaged the Commodore. We laughed. As I remember, I did okay too. It was one of the LAST events I was to do before marrige.

Now I’m heading for divorce, it seems funny it’s been so long since I’ve been there. 10 years is a long time and a lot has changed. Then iwas one of the ones making up the numbers, these days I have an honest chance at winning outright. I am a much faster and more dickhead driver than then too, I take some real chances that I wouldnt then. The cars have changed too – then it was a 5.3 litre V8 Commodore. Now is a 2 litre turbocharged Galant VR-4 RS rally beast. The VR4 is actually a heavier car, even has less power too than the Commodore. But what the Commodore doesnt have is AWD. And frankly, since I’ve begun to really drive AWD properly, my results are somethignng I couldnt dream about then. I dare say I could never have driven the VR4 like I can now too.

When the VR4 was first used, I got 20th outright and was battling to stay within 2 seconds a test of the quicker sedans. That was 2004, got 2nd in a test which showed the potential.

2005 of course was a fuckup in the personal life, but with the ability to race when I wanted, things changed. 4th outright first up in the RX2, then the VR4 broke loose in a rally, 7th outright at Ansell Park with first ever test win and first class win in the Galant. Then, a badly thought out suspension change and 29th then 20th. Ugh. Undo change, then 14th at a State round motorkhana and I was into the fastest sedans. The real breakthrough came not long after with 1st Outright verses all comers at Ansell Park which included the current Aust motorkhana champ. The thing that WTF’ed me was the Galant is biiiig car, too big for motorkana and yet it showed it’s real potential and since the 14th outright has not been beaten in class. In fact, it usually wins by huge margins now. Another 7th, three more 4ths, blew 2nd outright at Oran Park at the NSW WRX event that closed out the year. That was a day to forget, things on the car were falling apart and a busted front end.

All in all, 2*7th, 4*4th, 1*1st, 6 class wins. Not bad, 8 test wins, 16 events.

2006 is treatening to beat that easily. I’m right now 1*4th, and 2* 3rd, 3 test wins out of three events. And the guys I was fighting with in 2005, I’m now 10-15 seconds on the days faster.

Simply put, the offseason work and the work I’ve been putting in on my fitness and getting the car to run well are paying off. At the State khanacross I wasnt real happy, but today I had more fun than should be legal. I think the results showed it – 7 seconds closer to 1st outright, 1.2 to 2nd. The killer was one test that was a bit too tight, the specials got away. Not on the other two tho!

Ringwood was a great suspension test too, it was godamn rough but still, the VR4 handled it really well.

I’ll write more tomorrow, but for now 3rd outright, within striking distance of the fastest special. Man, there’s no fucking way a VR4 should be doing that.

Attacked the blue RX2’s wiring last weekend. What a complete goddamn mess that all was – and what a load of fun too. Cutting wiring with an angle grinder is quite a deal of manly fun.

Vgon Engineering is always a blast.

We would have Alliance’s first event of the year!

Me, I’m getting toey, awaiting the VR4 to be finished, which it finally is. Proflex, clutch, many, many fixes……

Thnak God it’s nearly done

Not tonight!

What the ever living fuck is Alliance Motorsport?

Alliance Motorsport was originally a bit of a running gag I used to write about. Think of all the undesireables, the rejects, the guys with cars that upset the toffy noses and pollute the air with foul belching, but are stupid fast anyway and piss off as many people as possible – that was The Unholy Alliance. Basically if you annoyed the ‘in’ crowd, your with us. And of course get a bunch of misfits together and mayhem usually is a result. And believe me, in the early days it was. Come to think of it, still is.

The Unholy Alliance morphed into The Alliance (UnHoly doesnt… quite sit well with God Botherers) and changed as peopel did things liek get married and have babies. Still, the core of myself, Adiran Rowe and Peter remained with fringers like Keith popping up now and then. We even have it registered as a business name. Still just as mad and still going all out to annoy and piss off people with the fact we like to have fun in our motorsport.

What the difference is these days is we often win and our cars are actually fast and rather better built.

Today’s Alliance is a bit more of a spread out affair. I’m in Australia and my Alliance name is Cat Terrist, Peter is in Engalnd and goes by Kaptain Ballistik. Chris is Wrar and he’s in the USA. John (Hunter Devourer) is also an Aussie. Keith (the Great Resonable Chicken Deity) sorta is dropped off the planet. Adrian is called Ugly Pills, is in Melbourne and not really doing much. We dont really have as many fringe members as we used to but you know, I think that’ll sort itself out once again. Oh there’s also James but I aint seen him about in a loooooong time.

So there you are a brief history of Alliance Motorsport. And yes, we are beginning to look to getting new idiots to join up. As long as your out to have as much fun and go as sideways as possible, hopefulyl while annoying the living fuck outta the ultra serious posers…… you’ll be quite at home here.

And now I better sod off for the evening.

Fuck, some of my passwords are stupid to remember. Right tho…

The new season of Top Gear is on. Ep1 was unbelieveably funny, Ep2 was cool – but this episode was flat out damn gorgeous. Three supercars crossing some insane bridge in France – gave me wood. Oh man, did it ever. It made me want to be there. to experience the howls of the motors, the visual specticle, the sheer… audacity of it all.

It also reminds me exactly why Top Gear rules all other motoring shows. They understand cars are about passion and sometimes logic just has no place in it all. It’s about that time early in the morning where the noise of your motor bounces off the cliff, you hear it snarl and echo as you heel toe it and then blast off as the sun peaks it’s way over the horizion. I want to do that one day, get one of these snarling v12’s and let it rip. Hear it, experience it. Let it chill my blood with the sheer intensity. Sure, I got two extraordinarily fast bits of machinery, but they dont have the wicked feel of a supercar. The HOLY FUCK I’M ALIVE! moment.

One day maybe. I can always dream, right?

And that’s why Top Gear is my favorite show. Long may it give us the HOLY FUCK I’M ALIVE! moments for us to share.

On an personal note……. Man I’m becoming a bitter bastard in regards to some things. Women, church….. Oh dont get me wrong I like both but there’s so much… AGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH about it all. I dont really like how I feel like I’m some sort of disease ridden bit of refuse in a church all because I’ve had happen that most un-Christian thing called a marrage break up. Oh Christian’s arent supposed to divorce! Well fuck, we do. Bad shit happens to us too. I love God but His followers…. lemme get back to on that some other time.

Someone had the brilliant idea of giving us keyboards, money and webspace. Now we’re going to make a horrid mess of things.

I need to hit up the pullit in Broward and get some wheels. I’d love to get 14″ for 185 width tires but I doubt they’d fit over the 240SX’s brakes.

Yes, another post. Right now I’m testing this shit out. We’ll have three ‘staff’ members as such as well as my good (or bad) self, Cris fromt he USa and Peter whio is currently in the shithole known as the UK. Looks to be good software so far – worked out a lot and been able to make some changes quickly.

This’ll get files under Random Bullshit Sounds like…. holy fuck, it’s pissing down outside in no uncertain manner!